I was chilling in the living room watching naruto, eating a packet of chips..
Suddenly, darkness enveloped the room..the lights shut off I could see absolutely nothing, I felt like I was in a coffin, suddenly I heard a noise that sounded like a glass break am I getting robbed no the robber would know someones here so it must be a ghost wait ghost aren't real but if it is a ghost I'm probably going to do what every horror movie actor does I’m just going to run and going to trip up over a piece of air.
Aisea, an interesting idea you have shared. You have forgotten to include full stops to tell the reader where to pause. THis is not all one sentence... "suddenly I heard a noise that sounded like a glass break am I getting robbed no the robber would know someones here so it must be a ghost wait ghost aren't real but if it is a ghost I'm probably going to do what every horror movie actor does I’m just going to run and going to trip up over a piece of air."
ReplyDeleteThat is a whole jumble of ideas squashed in together.
Wow I like your story ace!.
ReplyDeleteI would just say maybe work on using commas, becuase when I read it, it kinda felt like a mouthful.
Otherwise, Noice! :)